Not the Demographic

Walking into the meeting, my husband and I  knew it wasn’t going to have a good outcome.   After more than two years of being on the church plant team, we’d been ask to have “a meeting”.   Nothing could have shocked or disappointed us more than the ensuing 45 minute conversation.

It started out innocently enough.  After more than two years, the church had doubled in size and we’d gone to two services, with not nearly enough volunteers to cover the needed areas.  Our oldest child, wrapping up 5th grade, was getting ready to age out of the children’s program, so I’d asked if she could volunteer to be a helper in some area, and be scheduled for service on the same days/times as me.  It seemed simple enough, but it wasn’t.

We were met with a resounding no, she’s too young.  Really?  Too young to serve snacks and read books to the toddlers?  Too young to help the preschool class with crafts?  Seriously?   This, coupled with some other areas of exclusion, solidified in our daughters mind that she wasn’t really wanted in our church setting.  (Little did we know how right she was.)

This created a problem for us on several levels.  Our church plant met in a downtown location, surrounded by a mix of homeless, drug dealers and potential human hazards.   If my husband and I were both serving in various capacities and the child wasn’t, then where was she to go?  Certainly not to be left alone to fend for herself in an area that many of the adults felt uncomfortable in alone.     As a mother, my child is my first priority, so I asked to be removed from some scheduling so that I could make sure she was physically safe, and also try to help her not feel as out of place and unwanted, both of which I explained to the children’s ministry director via email. 

That’s when the request for “the meeting” with the pastor happened.   We didn’t really see what the issue was, but agreed thinking at least we could voice our concerns about the growing number of kids getting ready to age out with the wrapping up of the school year.   There was a building uneasiness as the day approached.

We were met with the typical pleasantries and small talk.  Then the topic turned to my email.   We were informed that it was in fact the pastor who had nixed having our daughter scheduled.   He went on for several minutes telling us what mature, well behaved and spiritually strong children we have.   We were applauded for being the type of parents who take parenting seriously, and were complemented with “I wish more parents were like you.”   Our hard work, faithfulness to service and to tithing, and obvious heart for God were all given the seal of approval.

I sensed a very big impending “but” as the praise for us and our family continued.

“Why do I get the feeling there’s a “but” following all of that?”, I interrupted?

“Because there’s a big but following it”, he said.

We sat dumbstruck as his words fell.

“You, and your children, are expecting to grow spiritually on Sunday’s.   I specifically avoid teaching anything deep or overly spiritual on Sunday mornings, and the children's ministry isn’t geared for that either, because it’s not what draws people. …”

“…Maybe this isn’t the church for you.”

“….You’re not the type of people we’re trying to draw.”

“….Maybe you would be better off serving somewhere else.”

Blink, blink, blink.  Crickets chirping.

I’m sure this is one of the few times in my life that I’ve been at a loss for words.  My husband turned and looked at me, bewildered.

The pastor prattled on about some other things, and as he did a single tear slid down my cheek.  He saw me as I brushed it away, and he furrowed his forehead at this totally out of character thing he’d just seen happen in me.

You see, I don’t cry for suffered wrongs, for hurt feelings for broken bones or even death.   I cry when I’m dangerously mad.  But I wasn’t mad.  Deep inside was a pain of revelation…that this is “the American church” in action.   This must be how Jesus feels every time the church doors open and He’s not allowed in.

Before we left, the pastor asked “How can I pray for you?”   My dear blind friend, it is you that needs prayer.   As we left this scripture came to mind: 

2 Timothy 3:5  Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

We stepped out onto the sidewalk and closed the door behind us, not quite sure of what was next.  What we were both confident in, is that we’d rather be asked to leave for wanting to grow in God, than to stay and die with the blinded masses.

Why Do Young People Leave the “Church”?

If you’ve been around church very much you’ll see the same demographics in most (not all, but most) churches.  You have the older folks who’ve been there forever, you have the nursery, preschool and early elementary school classes busting out at the seams, and of course the corresponding parents to go with all those offspring.   What you TYPICALLY don’t see a lot of is tweens, teens and early 20’s.

Even in churches with youth groups, you’ll see small numbers most of the time (not all, but most).   You ever wonder why that is?

My personal opinion is that we spend too much time entertaining kids, tweens and teens on Sunday mornings.   We give them fun activities, high tech videos and a prize box full of penny candy and trashy trinkets to bribe them with.    What we don’t do, is teach them who God is, what Jesus did for us and how to have a relationship with Him.

Here’s a true story for you.   Names have been changed to protect the innocent.   There once was this gal who taught “Kids Church”.  The curriculum was pre-bought, prepackaged with all the bells and whistles.   It had little Bible emphasis, which is just as good because even though this gal requested Bibles for her class for oh.say.a.year, there were none.

Each month had a theme to base the lessons around.   During January the theme was the Olympics.    The powers that be were shocked when, in February they asked “What was our theme last month?” and every.single.kid.in.the.room responded with “the Olympics”.  Not a single kid had the slightest clue what watered down Bible truth they had been exposed to in the month of January.

Skip to March.   The theme was “Control, Alt, Delete”…the principle is forgiveness (and quite honestly the teacher couldn’t figure out how Control, Alt, Delete tied in with it).   Said teacher was following the lesson plan to a T…yes sir they were making Oobleck (I.kid.you.not), because that’s what it said to do, after all it WAS Dr. Seuss’ birthday.   Then it happened.

An indignant fourth grade child, piped up quite loudly and said “And what does ANY of this have to do with learning about the Bible?'”  The teacher, being the straight forward type responded with “You know, I asked myself that exact same question when I was getting the materials together for this.”

There you have it folks.  Kids aren’t dumb.   They know when they are being taught, and when they are being babysat.  

They will bolt out of “church” at their first opportunity, looking for something real, and important and someone who will invest the time in teaching it to them….in the backseat, in the bar, in the drug house.

Oh, and the teacher, well she walked away too…because she couldn’t spend the rest of her life making oobleck while people were missing out on Jesus.

Why Churches Aren’t Effective

Today, I saw it for myself.  First hand.  The heart of the “church”.

The girls and I made our lets stock the freezer with meat trip.  We do this every 3 or 4 months.  We hit the “chicken store”, then stop on the way back at another store and stock up on beef.   This store has a hotdog stand outside, run by various churches as fundraisers for all of their oh-so-important programs and building projects. 

So picture, if you will me and my two girl as we walk up to this hotdog stand, with their church sign proudly displayed.   You can buy a hot dog and a drink for $1.50.   I had $3 in cash and a handful of change, not because I’m destitute, but because I generally don’t carry cash.   So I asked “How much is just a hotdog, without the drink?”

“Oh, I can’t sell it that way, you have to buy the hotdog AND the drink.”    Blink blink.   So I count out the change, and I’m FOUR CENTS short, four stinking pennies.

So I tell the 4 people working in the hotdog stand “I’ll have 2 hotdogs and 2 drinks please.”   Olivia, who hasn’t learned to be subtle at all pipes up “Mom, don’t you have enough to buy yourself a hotdog?”

“No, I don’t.”…..long pause “Mom, how much more do you need?”   “Four cents Olivia.”   The FOUR (as in each could have chipped in a stinking penny) churchy people HEAR this…hand me the two hotdogs and two drinks and tell me “God bless you.”

I confess, I have NEVER IN MY LIFE wanted to flat out cuss out a group of church people as much as I did at that moment, and I don’t cuss!  Not because I was really craving a hotdog, but because they stood there behind their church sign, so wrapped up in getting that $1.50 for their program that they didn’t realize that right in front of them was a person who as far as they know didn’t know where their next meal was coming from, and possibly didn’t know Jesus.

Now, what if I was a single mom?  a homeless mom, a mom who had one shot at getting a hotdog for the day and all that stood between me and that hotdog was FOUR CENTS and FOUR CHURCHY PEOPLE?    Then I would have been a hungry mom for the day, but I got a “God bless you.”  And guess what, that “God bless you” would have forever been a stench in my nostrils.

The church says “Why aren’t we seeing revival?”   “Why isn’t God moving?”   Because church you are so worried about your programs, your building funds, and your bank accounts that you forget that what God is concerned with is PEOPLE.

God, please don’t ever let me be thought of as “churchy”.

7th Year, 7th Month, Day 1

My husband has worked second shift for the last seven years.  SEVEN YEARS ya’ll.   That means 7 years of my being alone with the kids in the evening, every single evening.   That means 7 years of missing out on mom’s dinner’s out, ladies fellowship meetings and even homeschool support group meetings. 

SEVEN YEARS of the churchy world and the homeschooling world saying “Oh, that’s right your husband works nights, you don’t have anyone to watch the kids….gee, I wish you could come, oh well maybe next time.”  (Which I’ll address in a future post.)

Well guess what, after seven years, here it is, THE DAY.  The spouse finally  moved to 1st shift, permanently TODAY.  It was the very first day of him being a regular daylight working guy….and I’m off in a third world country buying cows and teaching kids not to poop on the ground without first digging a hole and then covering it up.  Seriously, that’s one of the things we’re doing in Ethiopia this week!

I know God has perfect timing.  So I think it’s just interesting as can be that this change took place on the 1st day, of the 7th month, in the 7th year of our captivity. 

My years of being a “married – single parent” appear to be over.

I think a new wind is blowing in our lives.

Skewed Logic

We had our first real snow of the year this week.  It started late on Tuesday evening, snowed into Wednesday midday and left us with around 20 inches of heavy, wet snow.  Some nearby areas received close to 30 inches of the white fluff.  The fact that it was a heavy and wet snow (as opposed to a light fluffy one) caused for tree damage and power outages.  It was still fun to play in.

Then a ding-dong on Facebook had to go and mess it all up.  This person, a Christian no less posted a nasty comment….

“So I hope all of you people who wished for snow are happy now.  Obviously you aren’t the ones without electricity.  The only people who enjoy this mess are stay at home moms and people who work from home, so I hope you’re proud of yourselves.   Well those of us who have to risk our lives to go to work don’t appreciate it.  Neither do those who have been injured and killed during this storm….” 

SERIOUSLY!

She then when on to say that people who enjoy the snow should be real happy knowing that some gal was injured when a tree fell on her and broke her back and some other bones.

SERIOUSLY?

Now, come on folks.   Lets be real here, you may not like snow, but to blame others for the fact that it happened, because they had wished for snow?  Now that’s just a bit nuts.   But to get your panties in enough of a wad to post such a thing is just stupid.  Yes, stupid.

The real issue is that this person works 1.5 hours away from home, across a mountain.  She's done so for years, of her own choosing.  Perhaps, instead of making ridiculous posts one should take some proactive steps.  For example:

1. Move closer to work.
2. Get a job closer to home.
3. Buy a 4X4 and learn to drive in the snow.
4. Prepare to be stranded at work in bad weather, take an overnight bag with you.

Really when you post stupid things on Facebook, expect people to call you out on it.   Then be grown up enough to realized gee that was dumb, or delete those who don’t agree with you and make them the bad guy (yep, I was deleted).

But what I really want to know, is why are people, Christians included, so in need of someone to blame for everything?    If I burn your house down, then yeah you should blame me.  If I enjoy a good snow storm, that I have no control over, and you get mad….well, you can’t fix stupid.

Obligatory Holidays

February 14th, the most love filled day of the year? Hardly.   Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day.  I’m just not a big fan of “obligatory holidays”.   You know what I mean?   We conjure up these special days to remember, honor and lavish affection on people.  Here are a few I just don’t like and why.

1) Valentine’s Day:  Show people you love them every day.  No card or amount of roses and chocolate on February 14 with make up for being a jerk the rest of the year.  (That goes for the gals as well as the guys.)

2. Mother’s Day:  I get that you want to honor your mother…but again, that’s something you should do all the time, not just every May.   Take your mom out to dinner more than once a year folks!

3.  Father’s Day:  Please refer to #2 above, but bump it over to June.  He has enough ties, ok?  Maybe do a little fishing together.

4.  Bosses Day:  Ahem.  Really, you think he doesn’t know you talk about him behind his back at the water fountain?  Come on folks, no amount of sucking up on this one day is going to get you a raise.  Do your job to the best of your ability every day and your boss will be happy.

5.  Administrative Assistants Day:  You gosh darn better show appreciation to this person A LOT.   Your admin staff is what keeps you employed and keeps the business running.  A cheesy card and an awkward lunch don’t even come close.  Pay her/him what they are worth.

I’m sure there are other’s that I’ll think of later.  I may come back and edit my list if that happens.

My point?  Well, maybe if we would treat people special EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.OF.THE.YEAR they would KNOW that they are loved or at least appreciated.  Hallmark can’t touch that.

Truth Denied

I’ll be honest, it really gets my underwear in a knot when someone portrays Jesus as some poor, homeless beggar when He was on this earth.  What frosts my cookies even more is a “religious leader” who does so using some unscriptural modern day song that sounds pious and religious.

Lets look at a few facts here folks.  Jesus had an “accountant”, his name was Judas Iscariot.  Judas was an embezzler.  How does one embezzle from someone who has no money?

Then the religious mindset and erroneous teaching takes Matthew 8:30 and Luke 9:58 “Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” and  they say “see Jesus was homeless, bless His heart”.  NO!

The word LAY in both of those scriptures comes from the Greek word “klino” (#2827 in Strong's Concordance)…and it means to TURN TO FLIGHT.   If you take the time to read what was happening in the scriptures reading up to the “Foxes have holes” comment you’ll see that men were telling Jesus they’d follow him.  Jesus knew what was ahead of him, and his response to his followers was “when things get bad the foxes hide in a hole, the birds hide in a nest, but the Son of Man won’t TURN AND RUN”.

IF the church would stop trying to make Jesus into some sissified, homeless do-nothing, and start representing Him as the bold, brave conqueror that He is, then just MAYBE the gangsters and thugs would want to follow Him?  At least they’d have the backbone to stand up for Him.

For those of you who insist that he was penniless and homeless, why aren’t you trying to be more like Him?   Why are you working for money, living in a house with modern conveniences and putting money back for a rainy day?  If your goal is to be Christ like you should be living on the street, with no money. 

Stop being so stinking religious guys.  It’s not impressing any of us.