Friday, September 7, 2012

And So It Goes

In July of 2011 my biological mother became disabled and was unable to continue working.  I specify “biological mother” because she didn’t raise me, or my older brother.  She gave us both away, to our grandmother when we were young.  She lived less than 20 minutes away and we’d go for years without seeing her.  Needless to say, we were never close.

So anyway, back in July of last year, when she became disabled, she moved in with us, permanently.  It was a big deal.  Like I said, we’d never been close so it was a real stretch for me.  My husband took on another mouth to feed and provide for.  We sold much of our furniture to accommodate her and to incorporate her things into the house, so she’d feel at home.  We moved our bedroom to the basement and gave up the master bedroom so she could have a private bathroom and not have to try to maneuver steps.   We had to purchase a new van to accommodate a larger family, and one with easier access.  There was much time and expense put into the new family dynamic.

The girls were ecstatic.  They loved having her here.  She was the fun one who watched TV with them (I don’t watch TV often).  She often told them “someday we’ll all move to a farm and I’ll teach you to grow vegetables, milk a cow and we’ll be real farmers”.

During the last year, we were able to get her disability approved and so she again had an income.   She paid off her doctor bills and got a little money saved up.  We made plans, and reservations to go out of town in September and November for family trips, together.   In early August, from deep out of left field, she announced that she’d decided to move out on her own.  We were shocked to say the least.

Her original goal was to try to move the first weekend of September.  The problem would be that Lindsey’s birthday falls on that weekend, and so did her party.   She assured me it would be the week after the party.

The last week of August came, and the moving truck was scheduled for September 1, the day of the party.  What?   Do you not remember this whole discussion of why you’re not doing this on the day of her party?  Apparently that meant little. 

The birthday party went well.  Although in me there was an underlying current of stress.  Then there were issues with the moving truck, issues with not having anyone to help her move once the truck arrived at her new apartment etc.  So guests left, and my husband, my younger brother and I loaded it all up, and poof she was gone.

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Leaving me with two broken hearted children who have cried themselves to sleep every night for a week.  I’ve spent the week cleaning, rearranging our home and trying to use this as a time of learning for the girls.  I’ve really focused  them in on how even though people may walk out of your life, God will always be with you.   I’ve personally been working on not being offended.   It’s hard though when I see how hurt my girls are.  It brings back a lot of painful memories from my childhood.

Funny, this was the very thing that made me stop crying as a child.    I’d been walked out on once too many times and I just decided one day that I was done with crying over it.  Now it brings stinging tears back into my eyes as I see the pain anew in the eyes of my children.

1 comment:

Karen said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I am sorry your girls were brokenhearted. Hopefully they are feeling a bit better now. Nice 'visiting' your blog.