Preparing For Spring

March is such an odd time in Virginia.  The days can be frigid or balmy.  The wind can be gentle or somewhat akin to gale force.  I have 4 inch tall tulips, and buds on the trees, and wisps of greenery peeping from my perennial beds.   Yet, there is that gnawing feeling that winter isn’t done, just yet anyway.

I took a few minutes to cut some of the dead flowers from the front gardens today.  I started out in short sleeves and by the time I was finished my fingers were numb…temperatures are pretty erratic.

While getting my pruning sheers from the garden shed I noticed that my herb garden tubs are full of green, lush plants!   The tubs are stored in the shed during the winter to keep the ceramic pots from freezing and bursting during the rains and snows of winter.   Yet there in the warmth (albeit dark) confines of the garden shed their new life has sprung up without notice.

I wonder if there are signs of anything lush and green in me after this, the longest of winters?  I’ve lived in the confines of darkness as I’ve worked at night and slept during the day, with never enough hours to get it all done.

The spring plantings and spring cleanings are just around the corner.   It’s a time of new life and freshness in the earth.  Hopefully there will be a something new stirring within me as well….

Hard Decisions

The last 6 weeks were some of the most trying and intense times we’ve walked through.  I don’t question having made the decision to help someone in need.  We had prayed about it, and knew it was what we were supposed to do at the time.   I’m quite certain we saved a life during these past 6 weeks.

The problem is in the fact that even though God sometimes gives a huge “do over” opportunity, not everyone responds to it in the right way.  The prodigal son in Luke 15 finally came to himself and returned home and was fully restored.  He chose to stay under the blessing of the “do over” that he was given.

At the suggestion of the newly ordered caseworker, our visitor explored our community on our free trolley system for several days straight, supposedly in search of a job.   However, each day as she returned we noticed more and more of the “old self” returning.  The ground rules we had laid down prior to her arrival were being stretched, blatantly.

So we had to make some hard decisions.   After discussing the issue with the caseworker, and each other and praying earnestly about it, we had to make the decision to send her to stay at the local Mission, a 6 week fix if she doesn’t mess it up.   I dropped her off on Monday evening.

I still agree with the doctor, she needs to be in a monitored facility.  However, when my children start being afraid and uncomfortable in their own home, something must change.     The caseworker is still working with me to try and get some evaluations and hopefully get an opening for an opening elsewhere.

The good news is that she was actually excited to be going to the shelter, so there was no problem with the move.  The bad news is the reason for the excitement was the lifting of the guidelines put in place by us.  (No smoking, alcohol, drugs or men while here and you must attend church when we go….certainly nothing unrealistic.)  

I was really struggling with the decision, but then God reminded me of His Word, in 1 Peter 5:7 it says to “cast all your care upon Him for He cares”.    This is His prodigal, and I can’t let her poor decisions hinder me.

Another thing that really helped me, was at ballet Tuesday.  A very quiet mom who sits and knits while her child is in ballet sat beside me.   She said she’d seen the burden that has been on me since the first of the year and that she’d been praying for me.   Then she said she’d been reading in Leviticus about how an offering, proved by fire was a sweet smell to the Lord, and that He saw that we had made a sacrifice and that we had passed through the fire and that He was pleased.   Oh God how I needed that!     I was thankful for her quiet obedience to pray, and to speak of Word of encouragement to me during one of the hardest decisions of my life.

Finally Some Progress

This week was filled with appointments, procedures and waiting as I try to get my cousin the help she needs.   Patience is not one of my strongest qualities so the waiting for things to happen is maddening to me.

However, on Thursday evening we had a follow up visit with a diabetes specialist for her.  Although he did increased meds for the diabetes he stated that the diabetes were the least of his concerns for her.   He said she’s several YEARS away from being able to live independently…sigh.    He got the ball rolling in some areas where I was running into roadblocks, thank you Jesus!  So, this week we have another gauntlet of appointments and evaluations.  However, based on the doctors preliminary assessment and other issues going on, it’s looking like she’ll be placed in an assisted living environment where her health (mental and physical) can be monitored and treated properly.

The kids are being real troopers, although Lindsey has said she wants her room and her bed back SOON.  You can’t blame her, it’s been over a month and she's floating back and forth between Olivia’s room and her Mamaw for sleeping arrangements.  

The husband, bless his heart is working lots of overtime, and trying to help with the kids schoolwork and around the house.

Mamaw has taken over most of the cooking for me.  She’s also being a great help with watching the girls while I’m running the cousin to appointments and trying to catch catnaps here and there.

Please continue to pray for strength (I’m still working 11pm-7am, homeschooling my kids, teaching at co-op, teaching Awana and trying to take care of a house and family in addition to all these appointments, meetings and phone calls.)   Typically I’m averaging 1-2 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period from Sunday night through Friday morning.   Fridays I don’t go to bed until everyone else does around 8:30, so by the time I hit the bed I’ve been up for well over 36 hours straight and I’m pretty incoherent.

Today I’m running away with the kids for the day.  (The hubby is working.)   We’re going to do fun stuff, just the three of us.  Then I’m coming home and fixing a family meal (fried chicken, mashed potatoes and veggies, the hubby’s favorite.)   We’ll bake cookies and watch a movie later.   In all the “good and needful things” we’ve been doing, I’ve missed my family and I’m not liking it.

Healthy-er

Yes, I know that “Healthy-er” isn’t correct.  But it is appropriate at the moment.   Several weeks ago, in the post Road to Normal I told you about our house guest and some health issues.   Today we went back to the Health Department to get the test results from that day. 

First of all, did you know that in these circumstances, even at the request of the patient you are not “by law” allowed to have someone in the room with you when you are read your results?  Which I think is quite ridiculous, because really if the results are bad, you don’t want to hear it alone.    Did you also know that “by law” you cannot be handed copies of your test results, but they have to be put  in a sealed envelope and then handed  to you to open (after having just TOLD you the results)?   

So…drum roll please……all tests for STD’s are NEGATIVE!!!  Thank you Jesus!!  Now, keep in mind that the day she went in they told her she DEFINITELY had something.  They gave her a shot of antibiotics and 2 prescriptions for antibiotics and asked for contact information for any recent“partners” so they could contact them .   They even sent her to the ER for another shot, not to mention sending her home with lots of pamphlets about not spreading the condition.   And yet everything came back negative.   So as the “patient” and the “professional” exited the meeting room and the “patient” told me the results, I asked the simple question “WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU TELL HER SHE DID, GIVE HER ALL THESE MEDS, FREAK THE WHOLE FAMILY OUT AND SEND HER TO THE ER?”

“I’m sorry I can’t answer any questions presented by anyone other than the patient.”    GAH!!   So the patient repeats the question, a little bit more colorfully and, are you ready?  The professional says to her “Oh, you had an abscessed tooth and we were concerned about it potentially developing into meningitis.”

I swear, if I’ve ever wanted to go postal in a public place it was today. 

But instead of believing that these people are that incompetent, we choose to  believe that God answered prayers and healing took place.   Thanks so much to those of you who have been standing with us and lifting us up!!

Now, if you can pray for housing and employment for her, I’d GREATLY appreciate it.

Princess Recovery– Book Review

Book Description:

At two, she only wears dresses because she's a princess like the ones on TV. At six, she wants the trendiest, scantily clad doll because all her friends have it. At eight, she's begging for makeup because she wants to be pretty like the teen superstars.

Your daughter has every opportunity to be independent and confident--if only you could help her tune out the rest of the world! But can you really deny your little girl dresses, cartoons, and friends until she is out of danger?

Child and adolescent psychologist Dr. Jennifer L. Hartstein has good news: you don't have to! Her unique program teaches you to curb the world's influence on your daughter--without making her live in a bubble. In this debut book, Dr. Hartstein teaches you to:

• Encourage your daughter to pursue her passion with industry and intelligence
• Establish high but realistic expectations of your daughter and her future
• Provide context for problematic influences--from the media to prissy peers
• Build a mutual trust that will withstand her adolescent growing pains

With this plan, you can bring balance, confidence, and self-sufficiency into your daughter's life without denying her a modern, vibrant childhood.

My Thoughts:
I have always been careful as to what toys the girls play with and the style of clothing  they wear.  I’d never thought of it as a “Princess” issue, but more of a “this doesn’t match our values as a Christian family”.   For example, we don’t allow Bratz dolls, toys that involve magical powers and skimpy bikinis for babies.   We’ve taught the girls to dress modestly, but that doesn’t mean they were skirts and dresses all the time.   They are both quick to point out that certain outfits are “just not proper”.  

It’s good to finally see an “educated professional” who stands up and says ENOUGH!!   Dr. Hartstein points out some subtle and not so subtle marketing strategies aimed at our daughters, and gives excellent advice on how to deal with these issues inside our family as well as in relationship to extended family, friends and peers.

I highly recommend this book for parents of girls of any age.  I would also say that older  daughters might do well to read it for themselves to better understand the motives and intentions behind todays mass media marketing.

Author Bio:  Jennifer L. Hartstein, PsyD, author of Princess Recovery: A How-To Guide to Raising Strong, Empowered Girls Who Can Create Their Own Happily Ever Afters, a child and adolescent psychologist, is a regular correspondent for The Early Show. She has also appeared on Fox News, The Today Show, and Headline News. Dr. Hartstein uses a variety of treatment approaches that promote strong self-awareness, distress tolerance, and acceptance. She lives in New York City.

The Road to Normal

As you may recall in my last post we added another displaced family member to our home in December.   This one came with a lot more issues, challenges and stress (for me anyway).

Here we are three weeks into the process and although we are making progress, it’s slow and tedious.   I have managed to retrieve certified high school transcripts to prove that my cousin is who she claims to be…which is a required document to get a state ID card if your ID is stolen, lost etc.   So we drove several hours to pick that up, and then went to the DMV to get an ID.  ID’s are now mailed to you, and it takes 7-10 days to arrive.  We finally got it last Wednesday.  Thursday we went to the social security office and ordered a new card, yep another 7-10 day wait.

In the meantime, I kept having this nagging something just isn’t right feeling that wouldn’t go away.  So I made an appointment for the  new house guest with the local health department.   The appointment was at 2:45 in the afternoon.   At 9:30 that night we were finally back from the ER with her.  She was dehydrated, her blood sugar level was 486, yes FOUR HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX!!  In addition, there is definitely an STD for which she got a shot and 2 different prescriptions for antibiotics in addition to diabetes meds.  (They have assured us that she doesn’t pose a risk to me or the girls since we use the same restroom…..but let me just say there is more disinfecting going on in this house than you can imagine.)   Test results should be back in, guess what 7-10 days!  (I really dislike those time limits anymore.)

Did I mention that most homeless folks don’t have health insurance, or money to pay for meds?   Yeah, so in the meantime I’ve helped her apply for financial assistance at the hospital to cover the ER bill.  We’re covering the cost of meds (thank you Wal-mart for $4 generics for most, not all, of the meds she needed.)  We’ve been to social services to apply for food stamps and in two weeks we have an appointment at the free clinic and with another community group who may be able to help us get her into a group housing situation.

So dear readers, if you get a chance, pray for us as we walk through this.  I know it’s the right thing to do as we prayed and sought direction before taking this on…but its not fun by any stretch of of the imagination.   In the meantime be thankful for things you take for granted, a roof, food, medical treatment and safety.   These are all commodities that aren’t readily available to everyone.

Unto The Least of These

I’ve been in church most of my life.   I’ve listened to all the talk of impacting the world, reaching the lost at any cost, starting new ministries to “help the wounded”, reach the down and out, blah blah blah.   Yet, those churches stay stagnant, with no new faces, no down and outers who have been reached.    Leadership claims that people are “unreceptive”…but those people aren’t going to come to you, you have to go to them and put a little action to all your fluffy spiritual talk.   I’m sick of it, I touched base on it a bit in a book review some months ago entitled Real Church.

When the holidays approach people get more into the “giving mode”.   Lets throw an extra box of spaghetti in the food pantry bin, maybe even take a name off the Angel Tree and purchase a gift from the Dollar Store.   Because after all, it’s Christmas, it’s about Jesus.   Or is it?

A week before Christmas I was contacted by a desperate woman.  She was scared, homeless and alone….and she was family.   A first cousin, who some 12 years ago rebelled and ran from the force fed religiosity of the day.   Now here she was, with no food, no where to sleep and no way to get help hundreds of miles away from “home”.    The church that she’d went to for help in that city told her to “have faith”, “trust God” and sent her on her way.  No warm meal, no coat in the December chill…just words.

The stranger that took her home (for his own purposes) was kind enough to let her use his phone to contact me, and even agreed to help get her to a bus station if I could get travel arrangements made.  This “sinner” at least fed her and gave her a place to sleep, although with costly strings attached.   But it was more than the “church” had done.

I made travel arrangements by internet and by phone.   I prayed and asked God to please put someone there to help her as she traveled.

December 23 I stood at a bus station in a city near by my home.   I watched people exiting the bus, excited to be home for the holidays.   Then I watched a frail, weak and sickly remnant of a woman step off the bus.   Her total worldly possessions were in a black trash bag, shoved inside a box.  A box she didn’t have money to pay for, but a traveling couple paid the $6 for the box, or else her few possessions would have been left behind.  A box she was too weak to pick up, so she just scooted it along with her foot.   Another stranger gave her $4.  She was able to buy a soda, pack of mints and bag of chips, her first meal that day, and her only food until the 18 hour bus trip was over.

Prior to her arrival I’d contacted several local churches, ones I have close ties too.  Ones I’ve worked with and for.   Pastors and pastors wives who are my “friends” on Facebook.  Churches that have ministries for women in these circumstances.   I asked “can you point me to any resources that are available to help us to help her get back on her feet?”.   That’s all….just ideas of how to get help.  Not ONE SINGLE CHURCH so much as responded to me.  No return message, no “sorry I don’t know what to do”…just nothing.

Thankfully, I did reach one great lady from the local Baptist church (gosh I’m loving the Baptists more and more).   She showed up with clothes, pajamas, money and Christmas gifts that she and some lady friends had purchased, collected and wrapped.   She showed up with information on where to go locally for help….she showed up with a love for a woman that she’d never met, but was willing to reach out to because THAT is what Jesus calls us to do.  

More than a week has passed now.   Our visitor can now walk pretty well, carry her own laundry basket to the washing machine and stand long enough to wash some dishes.  All things that she was too weak to do when she first arrived.   She’s gained some weight, and is looking healthier already.  She’s reading her Bible and her Christian books and making progress.   We’re in the process of getting her identity restored (as her purse and everything in it were stolen at gunpoint on the streets).

The holidays have slowed down progress, not a lot of the necessary offices were open last week.  Hopefully we’ll be able to cover some much needed ground this week and have some things in the works.

But yeah, don’t expect her to be too anxious to get involved with “church”.   The empty words didn’t feed or clothe her.