Sunday, January 24, 2010

Inconsequential

I have several friends who pick a new word for the new year. It's a word that is their goal or area they desire to grow in. So now that you've read that statement you're probably thinking I have some lofty goal of looking at the little things in life and realizing that they are inconsequential. Sadly nothing can be further from the meaning.

The dictionary says that inconsequential means of little consequence or of no importance. To be honest, that's the best word that describes how I feel, of no consequence or of no importance.

For most of my 40+ years, I've served and worked to make life better for others. I'm a behind the scenes kind of gal. Faithful, do what's right, do it right and do it because it's right. To be honest, I get overlooked, bypassed and taken for granted a lot. Generally I'm ok with that. I don't mind doing without so that others can have their needs met.

On occasion there are times when I wonder "what about me"? Today is one of those days. For those who don't move in the Charismatic church circles this will make little to no sense whatsoever,so you may want to just stop reading now.

We had a guest speaker at church, a prophet who ministers through song. It was a wonderful service. Her voice was incredible and the Words she spoke over people were powerful. There were several couples that were ministered too. The prophet would usually speak first to the husband, exhorting, encouraging and giving direction. Then the wife would be ministered too along the same lines. Some were told of the great things they'd accomplish; or commended for praying for their husbands over the years to see them through. It was this way for every couple (I bet you can guess where I'm heading with this right?)

Yeah, so the prophet gets to my husband and speaks to him about the hard attacks of this past year; the renewing of strength in body and spirit that is coming and the awesome things to come for him...then moved across the room to someone else. Yeah, pretty inconsequential feeling right about then. Then my daughter had to go to the potty, and then I had to go to the nursery to relieve a nursery worker. By the time I finally got back to the sanctuary, things were wrapping up and the moment was gone.

I'm sure that there is some great lesson in all of this for me. I'm missing it. I wasn't looking for a hallelujah chorus singing my accolades...but a slug in the shoulder and "keep pushing ahead" would have been nice. Heck, I think a "you really need to improve in these 3700 areas" would have been ok. But to not even be included, or acknowledged...that hurt. Deep.

Inconsequential...of no importance.

3 comments:

Cindy said...

I would have felt the same way (and often times do feel like that). To me you are not inconsequential....you are creative, an inspiration, a prayer warrior, a friend and so much more!

Heather Baker said...

Oh friend! I am sure that was not GOD who wanted you to feel that way! My heart aches for you! I understand that feeling, I often describe it as "worthlessness." I am so sorry that happened to you and I assure you, He sees you as a pearl of great price. Someone truly missed out on that! DO NOT think that any man or woman is "all that." He knows the depths of your love for Him, your faithfulness to Him. He is that "fly on the wall" who sees all, hears all, knows all. He wants you to know that you are precious to Him, PRICELESS. I pray that we will both stop looking to anyone else to affirm us and start believing what HE SAYS about us!!

Joesette said...

Thanks gals for the pep talk! Just venting, but thanks for "listening" and understanding.