As I’ve mentioned before, squirrels are NOT on my list of good animals. I tried to be patient when they plucked every petal from my tulips. I tried to be patient when they dug up newly planted flower bulbs. I even attempted to find humor in the little piles of moth balls they started collecting from me.
However, when they decided to pluck the blooms from the squash plants, I had to draw the line. I consulted a veteran gardener, and following his advice I decided to take more drastic measures. Fast forward to this morning, at the sporting goods store with a new, young, female sales clerk.
Her: “Hi! can I help you find something?”
Me: “Yes, I need to buy a bottle of fox urine, which aisle is it on?”
Blank look. Mouth slightly open. Sound of crickets chirping.
Her: “Fox what?”
Me: “Fox URINE.”
More crickets chirping.
Her: “You mean, like…uh…”
Me: “Yes, fox PEE. I want to buy fox pee.”
Chirping has been drowned out by the sound of the Emergency Broadcast System alert in her head.
Enter, a older sales clerk who takes me directly to the various types of bottled animal urine. I return to the young lady to pay for my purchase. She can’t even touch the package to ring it up…she shudders and says “I can’t believe they sell something this disgusting.”
Me: “Hey, be glad you sell it. Think about the guy that has to collect it.”
I seriously thought she’d puke on the counter.
I’ll let you know if the squirrels have the same reaction.